Daring Greatly - Brene Brown

If you can, please watch this, it is 20 minutes about life and will make you a better person to really listen to this:

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

It is not only by one of my favorite authors, it is a concept I fully embrace. I live my life trying to be authentic to myself and to everyone around me, as uncomfortable as it can be. It is the only way to fully feel joy and happiness, but along with that comes struggles and sadness. I truly believe I live my life this way and it doesn’t happen overnight. It takes years.

Here are a few of the talking point Brene Brown made in this talk that are really poignant:

-       You cannot selectively numb. When we numb any emotion, sadness, grief, or any uncomfortable emotion, we numb happiness, gratefulness, and joy as well.

-       We have been turned into a culture of “I’m right and you’re wrong.” We make rules and everything is certain. There is no room for discussion, because that makes us vulnerable. There is no mystery in religion anymore. It is all or nothing. Why do you think people who try to force their religion onto them intimidate people? The people doing the forcing are not listening. They are trying to project their views of right and wrong onto you to make THEM less uncomfortable. If everything you believe is fact, there is no need to listen to anyone. This is called living selfishly and not open and in your own world. We are in a world of many.

-       A wholehearted person is one who lives courageously, compassionately, and connected. A person who isn’t afraid to be vulnerable and real. To live courageously means to having the courage to say, ”I love you” first, with fear of rejection because you speak your truth. Living compassionately means being kind to yourself first, because those who cannot be kind and compassionate to themselves will never be able to compassionately love and be kind to another person.  And living connected means being authentic, no matter how uncomfortable and vulnerable it makes you.

-       Wholehearted people know their lives and actions affect other people. We can pretend they don’t, but they do.

-       The willingness to be open and vulnerable usually means at some point in you’re life you go to therapy. You realize you are not perfect, and you ask for help. This is usually one point where it is uncomfortable to be vulnerable.

-       Sometimes this is the point where you invest in a relationship or a person knowing full well that it may not work out.

-       Instead of waiting for the ball to drop and things to not work out how you planned, wholehearted people are grateful for the now. Do not expect the worst and feel all knowing when the worst happens. If you predict things will go wrong and they do, it is your own fault. When you are waiting for bad things to happen, this only fuels your fire and lets you say “told you so” when negative things pop up.

-       A wholehearted person knows trails and things will come up, but they DO NOT live in fear waiting for the next bad thing to happen, they enjoy today and live from the place of gratefulness so when something bad does happen, it doesn’t destroy them.

-       Know you are enough. Whenever I see my friends or people close to me struggling to know they are enough, I tell them that they are. This has to be innate. That you are enough. Every single person born is enough and has purpose. I truly believe this.

A personal touch:

I love Brene Brown! I just read her book called “Daring Greatly” which I HIGHLY recommend to everyone. It talks about this Ted talk in more depth and goes into her shame research.

When Morgan and I talked about what to write about for our next blog, we chose to focus on some of our favorite, positive influences. In my life right now, Brene Brown is one of those! The biggest thing I look for in friends and relationships in authenticity. Being real despite how it makes you look or feel is very important to me because that is how I live my life. Sometimes I’ll come to a friend and be really, really sad and vulnerable with whatever is going on in my life, but then I also get to share the resolve and the joy that comes from going through it with them as well. Please leave a comment if you have read Brene Brown as well!

Megan

Book Review: 20 something, 20 everything

20-Something, 20-Everything: A Quarter-life Woman's Guide to Balance and Direction

By: Christine Hassler

Shopping for this book in Barnes and Noble I was reminded of the Sex and the City episode where Charlotte slinks around the “self-help” section of the bookstore after separating from Trey. I was indeed shopping in this same section flooded with anxiety about my career, upcoming marriage, and the future in general. I couldn’t wait to get this book home and dive right in. To me it was the magic 8 ball that would answer all of my questions.

What I like about this book:

Hassler did extensive research of women in their 20s for this book and what she found is quite astonishing.  Through case studies and surveys she found that women currently in their 20s are describing that their lives are filled with stress, fear, pressure, expectations, self-discovery, and listlessness. While our mothers described their lives at this age as exciting, liberating, happy, responsible, and loving; the differences in answers are troublesome. What could cause such a change in perception? My personal opinions are media influence and a shift in women’s roles but hey I’m the one in the self-help section so I’m definitely no expert. The introduction has a quiz you can take to decide to help you decide if you are indeed experiencing a quarter life crisis like I was. It’s simple “yes” and “no” answers to each question with the author believing that if you have 5 or more “yes” you might be experiencing a quarter life crisis.

1.     Do you feel a need to “have it all”?

2.     Do you feel older for the first time in your life?

3.     Do you feel pressure to grow up and get your adult life in order?

4.     Do you often feel depressed, overwhelmed, lost, and maybe even a little hopeless?

5.     Do you ever feel that time is running out when you try to figure out your career and decide whether you want to get married and/or have children?

6.     Are you stressed out by choices that seemingly will affect the rest of your life?

7.     Do you feel that you have failed because you don’t know what you want to do with your life?

8.     Do you overanalyze yourself and your decisions?

9.     Do you ever feel guilty for complaining about your life when you’ve lived only about a quarter of it?

10.  Are you embarrassed that you have not figured out or accomplished more?

This book has a series of additional writing activities and questions to help you along your journey. The first questions it poses are :

·       Who am I?

·       What do I want?

·       How do I get what I want or think I want?

It’s like therapy for a one-time fee. I was honest with myself, thoughtful, deep, and sometimes humorous with my answers. The combination of reading the authors personal experiences, the other women she interviewed for the book, and the writing exercises are a great asset to this book. I really felt at ease about my future and that I’m not alone in the pressures I feel to succeed. I had this desire to have everything figured out and that I needed to have it all: career, marriage, starting a family. But did I have time to make all my dreams and goals come true? I felt like if I focused on my career my marriage would suffer but If I halted on my career I would be giving up so much of my personal wants and goals. At the same time I felt this tiny reminder that I was only getting older and pretty soon the focus would be entirely off of what I wanted and onto raising children. (AHHH!)  The goal of the book is to help you gain some insight with your answers and use them to create your own “road map” to your future. After reading this book I can truly say that it was immensely helpful for me and allowed me to view some things in my life in a way I wouldn’t have come across without its guidance. I have so many great years ahead of me and am lucky enough to have a super supportive husband to help me through my journey and moments of doubt. I encourage you to take a minute to answer the questions above and maybe you will find that this book could be helpful for you or someone who know. I’m interested in hearing if others have read this book or have experienced these same feelings growing up in their 20s?

Morgan 

Positive influences (5 people closest to you)

There will always be a reason why you meet people. Either you need them to change your life or you’re the one that will change theirs.

—    Angel Flonis Harefa 

I love quotes. Quotes have gotten me through some of the worst times of my life and they inspire the best times of my life. Sometimes when I read a good quote, I’ll post it on my Facebook or social media and I’ll get texts about how it helped brighten people’s days! This is positivity to me.  

I spend my free time looking at beautiful blogs and finding awesome quotes. I write a lot as well to cultivate positivity. I am an innately positive person (thanks to my very positive and happy parents, especially my mom). My mom signs all her school notes with her signature “smiley face,” and also used to sing, “you are my sunshine” to me daily growing up. I am really blessed to have a mom who is constantly smiling (seriously, ask anyone), rarely gets mad, and is always encouraging to my whole family.

When Morgan told me about the “5 people closest to you” and their significant impact on your mood, I immediately thought about my mom, friends, and family.

I was lucky enough when I was sick to completely cut out all negative people and surrounded myself with positive people who make me happy. Not to say that my friends don’t go through things, or I don’t have a bad day everyone and a while, but I always have an outlet, my friends and my mom. And the mood doesn’t last long. Usually if there is no one to talk to, I will write, paint, blog, or listen to my favorite music. I found that walks outside anywhere with my dog tend to snap me out of a negative mood instantly. Also, a few of my friends have babies and kids, and nothing makes me more in the moment and positive than being with kids! They are so innocent and so happy and have no cares in the world and I really am drawn to them. I am convinced based on my childlike appetite and preference to swing on a big swing, I am actually still a 12 year old, with an old soul.

Those are things I do daily to cultivate positivity: surround myself with positive people, get rid of negative people or make them a significantly smaller part of my life, call my mom, and swing on swings.

I am really grateful to have built my network of friends from the ground up and made a few lifetime friends later in life.  I also have a core group of friends that have been with my through my illnesses that mean a lot to me and have never left. Be grateful and tell your friends and family how much they mean to you! They won’t be around forever and the older I get, the more I realize this! If someone has impacted you positively, tell them or buy them cookies!

Megan 

How the people you surround yourself with influence you (Morgan)

    I first learned about this in church one Sunday. We had been working through the book of Acts and our Pastor always does such an amazing job of transferring the reading to an applicable lesson. The concept is that we become most like the 5 people closest to us so we should choose carefully. He asked us to think about our 5 go-to people and decide how those people influence our lives; do they make us “better” or “bitter”. As I probed these individuals in my life I got to thinking about how true it is that the people in your environment can make such a different in our outlooks and attitudes.

 For me this is especially true in my work place. At work I was often plagued with negativity and bitterness, some from my co-workers and some from my patients. I soon realized this was the area in my life where I needed work , that I was becoming bitter and the thoughts and opinions of others in the workplace were starting to make me vain as well. Having a bad day at work could filter into the rest of my night, weekend, dreading Monday, and then starting the viscous cycle over again. Who could sustain such misery when most of my week is spent here, not to mention the two hour drive I have each day to really dwell on things. I knew I needed a change, but how could I make it better?

The first positive change I can remember is when I started walking outside during my lunch. I have always exercised on lunch but most of the times with other co-workers and in our same office setting (cardiac rehab exercise room). By not removing myself from my work environment I often found myself still talking about patients and work with my co-workers, and that’s time I really needed to escape during the day. By removing myself from the environment it allowed me to truly escape work for a while, enjoy the fresh air, and start the second half of my day on a good note.  I also shared this message from church to a close co-worker/friend. Together we committed to start talking more positively and to let the gossiping, rumors, and bitterness in the workplace stop starting with us. We turned to sharing positive quotes, funny jokes, and bible passages. Putting a positive spin on every situation is difficult; especially in health care when we deal with the sick, but having that overall positive perspective on my day has made my job more enjoyable in the meantime. It’s still not perfect and maybe not my dream job, but I’m lucky to have it and will continue to find ways to laugh and brush off the small stuff.

Morgan

Bio (Morgan)

Hi I’m Morgan,

I’m really excited to start this blog with my friend Megan writing and sharing some of topics we talk about everyday! I’ve known Megan for about 2 years and we have developed an awesome friendship.

I believe in God, strong family values, and that good health and happiness are life’s greatest blessings. I am 25 years old and was just married in October 2012 to my best friend James. We have been together for 8 years and I can truly say he is my better half, always bringing out the best in me.  I went to the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater and graduated with my Bachelor’s Degree in Health and Human Performance. In college I struggled with body image, diet fads, binge eating and then over-exercising as I was consumed with guilt.   It was a nutrition class and an amazing professor that opened my eyes to the disordered eating and lifestyle I was living.  The positive changes sparked my passion for health and wellness and I find joy now in teaching others. I work as an Exercise Specialist in Cardiopulmonary Rehab with patients suffering from chronic heart and lung disease.  Through exercise and education we help them make healthy lifestyle changes and improve their quality of life. While it is rewarding working in health care my positive perspective has been challenged more than a few times!  Those weak moments is when I have learned the most about myself and with the support of James, my family and long talks with Megan ,I have grown from each experience! I have seen how much having perspective can make or break my days and how with strong faith, family, friends, and a positive attitude I can live the best life possible! I look forward to this new journey and sharing, learning and hopefully laughing a little along the way!

Bio (Megan)

It's a rainy dark night here in Chicago! So, I thought I would let everyone know a little bit about me, and Morgan will be writing her bio as well soon!

My name is Megan, and I started blogging a couple of years ago after I went through a life changing time in my life. I was diagnosed with type one diabetes when I was a junior in High School (going into Senior year). Soon after that I developed hypothyroidism. I later developed an eating disorder in college and had to be hospitalized for about a month and continued treatment for many years after. I still struggle in stressful times, but have been in recovery for about a year or two now :)

I was lucky and unlucky enough to have about two years to soul search and basically create who I wanted to be, work on myself and become who I am today. Which was a blessing, but I also missed out on some life experiences. So, I am making up for it now and live life from a grateful, fun place. Everyone has ups and downs and diabetes is still a lifetime struggle, but I feel great and have everything as under control as possible. 

You can read my whole story here:  http://t1uncensored.blogspot.com/

I feel really proud of what I have gone through and am really lucky to be where I am today! I have a strong faith and am surrounded by the best family in the world, awesome friends (what's up Morgan!!!) and a really fun life. I am really grateful and appreciative especially because I have seen myself at the lowest of lows and the best is yet to come!

I work in the natural health industry with an awesome job and live and work in the Chicago land area. I graduated with a bachelors degree in communications from DePaul Univeristy and played tennis my whole life. I enjoy running from time to time and have been doing yoga for about ten years, so that is where my passion lies! But I plan to run a half marathon or two to prove to myself I can do it with how brittle my diabetes is and how hard it is to control and work out with! I am sure you will find out more about me in the next couple of months!

Megan   

Good news only!

Hello!

 I thought I'd start my first blog post explaining why the need to create this blog! When we sit around with our friends, all we seem to hear is either gossip (thank you media), news (usually bad), and me and my friends were sick of this! It is hard enough staying positive from day to day without the constant bad news pulling us down! 

When my group of friends gets together we tend to talk about positive things and "good news." Whether it be a new book that I am reading, an inspiring post we've read online, a cool movie, an uplifting news story, or anything else! I think from what I have heard this is pretty unique! So my friend Morgan and I thought we would start a good news blog for our friends and anyone else who cares to read it! We are both mid twenties are sick of being bogged down by bad news and gossip. Gossip can be fun and entertaining, but I really feel like most of the world gets too caught up in that and it can take away from the joys of life and living in the moment. We try to be the women who focus on the positive and it has served us well! 

Now saying all of this, we are still in the real world and we are surrounded by real life all the time, we deal with and acknowledge that as well, and we will probably post a couple of posts about that as it comes up! We also have indulged and I'm sure will continue to, in some sorts of gossip from time to time. We're only human and come on, it's fun sometimes. 

As 20 somethings we are constantly surrounded by media. Facebook, twitter, instagram, vine, we are not more than 1 second away from everyone with instant access. Call us old fashioned, I appreciate a hand written letter more than a text and a phone call more than a tweet. 

We're not "hippies." We lead normal jobs and have normal lives, I hope this blog finds everyone well and is inspiring to you as it is to us. Join us in this positive community! Please comment on anything and everything! We would love to chat and love to hear feedback! 

Being a 20 something woman is really hard. We will address some of those issues here! We are expected to have everything together and look amazing doing it! Our first post will address that to get that out of the way. This will be an honest account of everything in our lives and anything we say comes from person experience. Morgan and I will give a quick bio in our first couple of posts and please feel free to comment or say whats up! 

Megan