Daring Greatly - Brene Brown

If you can, please watch this, it is 20 minutes about life and will make you a better person to really listen to this:

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

It is not only by one of my favorite authors, it is a concept I fully embrace. I live my life trying to be authentic to myself and to everyone around me, as uncomfortable as it can be. It is the only way to fully feel joy and happiness, but along with that comes struggles and sadness. I truly believe I live my life this way and it doesn’t happen overnight. It takes years.

Here are a few of the talking point Brene Brown made in this talk that are really poignant:

-       You cannot selectively numb. When we numb any emotion, sadness, grief, or any uncomfortable emotion, we numb happiness, gratefulness, and joy as well.

-       We have been turned into a culture of “I’m right and you’re wrong.” We make rules and everything is certain. There is no room for discussion, because that makes us vulnerable. There is no mystery in religion anymore. It is all or nothing. Why do you think people who try to force their religion onto them intimidate people? The people doing the forcing are not listening. They are trying to project their views of right and wrong onto you to make THEM less uncomfortable. If everything you believe is fact, there is no need to listen to anyone. This is called living selfishly and not open and in your own world. We are in a world of many.

-       A wholehearted person is one who lives courageously, compassionately, and connected. A person who isn’t afraid to be vulnerable and real. To live courageously means to having the courage to say, ”I love you” first, with fear of rejection because you speak your truth. Living compassionately means being kind to yourself first, because those who cannot be kind and compassionate to themselves will never be able to compassionately love and be kind to another person.  And living connected means being authentic, no matter how uncomfortable and vulnerable it makes you.

-       Wholehearted people know their lives and actions affect other people. We can pretend they don’t, but they do.

-       The willingness to be open and vulnerable usually means at some point in you’re life you go to therapy. You realize you are not perfect, and you ask for help. This is usually one point where it is uncomfortable to be vulnerable.

-       Sometimes this is the point where you invest in a relationship or a person knowing full well that it may not work out.

-       Instead of waiting for the ball to drop and things to not work out how you planned, wholehearted people are grateful for the now. Do not expect the worst and feel all knowing when the worst happens. If you predict things will go wrong and they do, it is your own fault. When you are waiting for bad things to happen, this only fuels your fire and lets you say “told you so” when negative things pop up.

-       A wholehearted person knows trails and things will come up, but they DO NOT live in fear waiting for the next bad thing to happen, they enjoy today and live from the place of gratefulness so when something bad does happen, it doesn’t destroy them.

-       Know you are enough. Whenever I see my friends or people close to me struggling to know they are enough, I tell them that they are. This has to be innate. That you are enough. Every single person born is enough and has purpose. I truly believe this.

A personal touch:

I love Brene Brown! I just read her book called “Daring Greatly” which I HIGHLY recommend to everyone. It talks about this Ted talk in more depth and goes into her shame research.

When Morgan and I talked about what to write about for our next blog, we chose to focus on some of our favorite, positive influences. In my life right now, Brene Brown is one of those! The biggest thing I look for in friends and relationships in authenticity. Being real despite how it makes you look or feel is very important to me because that is how I live my life. Sometimes I’ll come to a friend and be really, really sad and vulnerable with whatever is going on in my life, but then I also get to share the resolve and the joy that comes from going through it with them as well. Please leave a comment if you have read Brene Brown as well!

Megan

Book Review: 20 something, 20 everything

20-Something, 20-Everything: A Quarter-life Woman's Guide to Balance and Direction

By: Christine Hassler

Shopping for this book in Barnes and Noble I was reminded of the Sex and the City episode where Charlotte slinks around the “self-help” section of the bookstore after separating from Trey. I was indeed shopping in this same section flooded with anxiety about my career, upcoming marriage, and the future in general. I couldn’t wait to get this book home and dive right in. To me it was the magic 8 ball that would answer all of my questions.

What I like about this book:

Hassler did extensive research of women in their 20s for this book and what she found is quite astonishing.  Through case studies and surveys she found that women currently in their 20s are describing that their lives are filled with stress, fear, pressure, expectations, self-discovery, and listlessness. While our mothers described their lives at this age as exciting, liberating, happy, responsible, and loving; the differences in answers are troublesome. What could cause such a change in perception? My personal opinions are media influence and a shift in women’s roles but hey I’m the one in the self-help section so I’m definitely no expert. The introduction has a quiz you can take to decide to help you decide if you are indeed experiencing a quarter life crisis like I was. It’s simple “yes” and “no” answers to each question with the author believing that if you have 5 or more “yes” you might be experiencing a quarter life crisis.

1.     Do you feel a need to “have it all”?

2.     Do you feel older for the first time in your life?

3.     Do you feel pressure to grow up and get your adult life in order?

4.     Do you often feel depressed, overwhelmed, lost, and maybe even a little hopeless?

5.     Do you ever feel that time is running out when you try to figure out your career and decide whether you want to get married and/or have children?

6.     Are you stressed out by choices that seemingly will affect the rest of your life?

7.     Do you feel that you have failed because you don’t know what you want to do with your life?

8.     Do you overanalyze yourself and your decisions?

9.     Do you ever feel guilty for complaining about your life when you’ve lived only about a quarter of it?

10.  Are you embarrassed that you have not figured out or accomplished more?

This book has a series of additional writing activities and questions to help you along your journey. The first questions it poses are :

·       Who am I?

·       What do I want?

·       How do I get what I want or think I want?

It’s like therapy for a one-time fee. I was honest with myself, thoughtful, deep, and sometimes humorous with my answers. The combination of reading the authors personal experiences, the other women she interviewed for the book, and the writing exercises are a great asset to this book. I really felt at ease about my future and that I’m not alone in the pressures I feel to succeed. I had this desire to have everything figured out and that I needed to have it all: career, marriage, starting a family. But did I have time to make all my dreams and goals come true? I felt like if I focused on my career my marriage would suffer but If I halted on my career I would be giving up so much of my personal wants and goals. At the same time I felt this tiny reminder that I was only getting older and pretty soon the focus would be entirely off of what I wanted and onto raising children. (AHHH!)  The goal of the book is to help you gain some insight with your answers and use them to create your own “road map” to your future. After reading this book I can truly say that it was immensely helpful for me and allowed me to view some things in my life in a way I wouldn’t have come across without its guidance. I have so many great years ahead of me and am lucky enough to have a super supportive husband to help me through my journey and moments of doubt. I encourage you to take a minute to answer the questions above and maybe you will find that this book could be helpful for you or someone who know. I’m interested in hearing if others have read this book or have experienced these same feelings growing up in their 20s?

Morgan